PhotoCredit:- Abiodun Stephen Oladigbo

😢 Sitting by Computer, typing this post with shaky hands and shivers running down my spine, feeling sick to my stomach and my eyes heavy from tears I’m trying hard to fight back.

Why?

‘Sigh’ I just got off seeing a Nollywood movie, “All shades of wrong”, that tells the true life story of a young woman, a survivor of sexual abuse.

The movie struck a nerve in me because besides the story being true, in my mind I could picture girls who are actually going through similar or even worse situations, hence the gush of emotions.

Before I give my review,  I would like to give a massive shout out to the cast and crew of this beautiful movie, what an amazing cast and the director whom I silently follow her projects did such an amazing Job, you nailed this one for me….Abiodun Stephen Oladigbo massive well done the movie is amazing, the suspense, the thrills, the emotions….You wowed me.

Now, the story was centred around a young girl whose mum was recently widowed and poor.

Her mum genuinely wanted her to have a shot at formal education and at life generally but this was going to come at a cost she probably didn’t envisage.  She agreed for her daughter to go and live with Her much older cousin in the the city….

Months into living with Him,

The rape started and continued night after night, She was only 14.

Your own cousin raping you, disgusting phew….

By the time she was 16, She has had two abortions both arranged by Her abuser. Now during the surgery for the second abortion, He asked for an IUD to be planted in her without her consent. (Now tell me about a country where there are no laws) If you are Rich you can do absolutely anything…

The heart of man is truly desperately wicked.😢😢

One of those days just months after the abuse started, Her mum visited and noticed she was very withdrawn, she asked what was wrong and the poor girl bursted into tears crying, told her mum what’s been going on and that she doesn’t want to be there anymore. Mum herself bursted into tears (I’m not sure I understood those tears though) felt sorry for her but reminded her that she will deal with him but she needs to stay as She’s just about to go to Uni, and she can’t jeopardise that so She needed to stay… What, Like seriously???

Well let me burst your bubble, Mum did nothing, Left her there and even avoided coming there so she doesn’t have to face her daughter.

Although He gave her the best of everything, showered her with so much love and affection, got her the best of education, up to where she studied abroad for her Masters program  fully paid for by Him. He even married Her. What? Okay Let me keep my cool here…

She was brainwashed, manipulated into living a twisted, dark, sad, loving but at the same time darkened life for 12 years..

Her breakthrough came when She met a friend with whom they attended a conference together and at the conference the speaker touched on some issues which struck a nerve in Her, she decided to open up to her friend whom then counselled and opened her eyes to the fact that she can’t live in that dark, twisted world anymore.

Something I noticed… Her friend never Judged her…Amazing right.

She came back to Nigeria a broken woman wanting out of the relationship.

She told him she wanted out, Guess what He did…

He wasn’t having it.

He raped her there and then again, locked her up in the room switched her phone off and wouldn’t let her out, this went on for months, He would beat her at will, profess His undying love for her… Very dark, twisted mind this man has.. I can’t even put it into words, It’s like something is broken in Him that can’t be fixed.

She became a prisoner in the home she once experienced supposed love and affection, Sad and despicable right?

He did say something which brought tears to my eyesHe said and I quote  “You are my wife until I say you aren’t anymore or when I die” Those words still rings in my ears

I cried, My Body shuddered and my Hands trembled, I was weak and I felt really sick from within

Why? Because

This is the reality of some girls; To some

All hope is lost,

Some have lost their sense of identity.

Some have lost their minds,

Some are locked up because they have woken up to the reality of their twisted lives,

Some have even died,

Some have taken their own lives because they can’t live life like that anymore, they just gave up.

This is some girl’s reality just in case you think it’s just a movie.

A young girl reached out to me a while ago,  with a story similar to this… Whose uncle whom she lived with repeatedly raped her She ran back home but Dad sent her back claiming she’s a liar and a whore… (Some Parents truly don’t deserve to have children). She ended up being a broken woman who has lost all faith in humanity. So yes I know for sure this isn’t a fiction of someone’s imagination it is happening. It is true…..

For how long though are we gonna fold our arms and act like its none of our business.

I’m done folding my arms,  I’m done keeping quiet, I’m done being mute… I am free and I will speak up and out.

When Abuse goes on for too long it becomes the victim’s reality, Leaving people battered, naked and destroyed…

I stand against sexual abuse, I’m not just saying it but I am going to act against it. In Africa most survivors of sexual violence aren’t protected by real laws. We shouldn’t hide anymore, we shouldn’t allow this barbaric acts go on anymore, we can’t fold our arms anymore. Its time to act…

How many more girls are like Liz, (the name of the Character). hiding out behind closed doors against their will and being beaten, raped and abused on a daily basis. There’s loads of them and trust me there are many parents like Liz’s mum who because of poverty would turn a blind eye

Watch out for the girl next door, be your sister’s keeper. Lets stand tall. Lets stand together, Lets crush this menace called sexual abuse.

The thought of it makes me feel sick, what about you?

Here’s a few lI would love to share from watching this movie.

1. When abuse has gone on for too long it becomes the victim’s reality.
2. Good friends are like good bras, they support you very well. Never underestimate the power of very good friends. Don’t be an Island.
3. Don’t ever Judge people when they are in a situation or going through a tough time, If you can’t help keep your opinions to yourself, your opinions might make things worse, you will never understand the next person’s struggles until you’ve walked a mile in thier shoes.
4. Always look out for others don’t always be engrossed in your own problems you just might be the solution to someone’s problems.
5. If anyone tells you they’ve been sexually abused, pray for them, pray with them and offer practical help or find out who can.
6. Give practical help or advise.
7. Be slow to talk but be a great listener, Be there, let them act out their emotions, its part of their healing, don’t make it about you, it’s about them.
8. Above all be your sister’s keeper. One of the reasons why there has been a culture of abuse which has spanned for years was because Its a taboo to talk about it. It’s forbidden. You don’t want to be seen as the girl who has been raped. Please If you see it, don’t sweep it under the carpet say it, expose it because if you don’t you are just as guilty as the abuser.
9. If you are being abused, regardless of how close this person is to you, please speak out and get help. Its never too late! You can get your life back regardless.

Sexual abuse in any form is all shades of wrong.

Join me at “The Survivor’s Walk” between March 26th-30th 2018.

Lets Kick Sexual Violence to the curb!

The weight is off, The mask is off….. I am IfeOluwa and I am fighting earnestly for our girls and against sexual violence in Africa.

IfeOluwa.