“Great things are not accomplished by those who yield to trends , fads and popular opinion”.
– jack Kerouac
I remember when i came out publicly as a survivor, my very first public post drew quite a bit of attention both publicly and privately, some people thought I was brave and thanked me for sharing my story, whilst some minority thought I was stupid and selfish.
I remember getting a few messages in my inbox from a few acquainatances and family, expressing their displeasure about my story saying things like this isn’t really for public consumption.
I remembered one of those afternoons, I was lost in thoughts, I was second guessing myself if I had done the right thing by actually coming out about the story.
The sad one was the fact that, the people I expected to cheer me on and have my back were literally ashamed to be associated with my story forgetting that I am my story.
I remember writing a very long email intended for a friend to explain my truth. I genuinely thought that if I explained my point of view she would understand and cheer me on, because I so badly wanted her to support me but a few paragraphs into the message, the Holy Spirit stopped me and asked: “Do you really owe this person any explanation at all not to talk of this much explanation?”
At that point a bulb lite up on my inside and it felt like something within me just snapped and said No, I don’t owe any one any explanation and no I am not going to justify my actions so that someone can feel good about themselves. At whose detriment anyways? I just cleared my mail and never replied that message.
One of the lessons I have learned in my few years on planet earth is that sometimes popular opinion isn’t always right.
Sometimes you just got to go with your goals
You just got to go with your dreams
You just got to go with your gut
Why? You may want to ask. It is simple
Because if you decide to go with the popular flow, you might not get the answers you desire.
When you go with your goals, you won’t feel like it, you will lose friends along the way, people might not fully understand or comprehend why you are chasing those goals, but as long as you carry the endpoint in mind, you have the courage to keep at it.
Sharing one’s story of abuse is not for applause, it’s not so people can feel sorry for what you’ve been through, it’s for other survivors out there going through a similar situation to find strength to move on. It’s for people to know that you can rise above your pain, you can make a message out of your mess and most importantly that you aren’t alone.
A lot of people have shared very intimate stories of abuse and rape with me because they wanted others to know but they aren’t able to come out yet, but they know that HIHS is a voice and they want the world to know and listen to their survivor’s stories.
We fight our battles differently, you don’t have to put a face to the pain but as long as its achieving its purpose of helping someone else along the way, please go with the goal.
If I decided with the flow, HIHS wouldn’t have been born, The Survivor’s Walk would not be a reality, the girls who got sanitary towels will probably not get them, the hundreds of people who have trusted us with their stories to be shared may probably never have had the courage or even a platform to do so. The survivors we have helped back to their feet wouldn’t be standing today and the awareness we have created wouldn’t have been added to the bigger stream of awareness being created on a daily basis concerning sexual abuse.
So, find the goal and go with it. Every story I have heard and read is important, always unique and different. Your story is different, your pain is unique to you and you are important. Your story is important in the scheme of things, do not sit on it, let it out, someone might need to hear it.
“Someone can heal from hearing your story”
Someone might get their freedom from reading your story.
Our journeys are different and we are at different stages of pain and healing but, one thing I am sure of is this, it’s easier when we heal together, its therapeutic when we read each other’s stories
“The world is a better place when more survivors come out. When more people come out, the culture of silence ends and the people who commit these crime has no place to hide, these crimes thrive in secrecy and victim’s silence. When we come out in numbers, the world hears us”
As you go about your normal jobs and various businesses this week, Go and Grow with the goals and not with the flow.
Cheers..
xx
IfeOluwa.
Amazing, always on point sis . Thank you for all you do. You are a strong woman and I love you. Don’t ever forget that.