This post is a follow up from the “Having the victorious mindset’ post which I added on the 30th of September. If you haven’t read it I suggest you check it out, this would give you an insight into where we started from.

On that previous post I promised my readers I would be writing and providing specific answers to generic questions/phrases which survivors of sexual abuse tend to say or ask from time to time. This posts are going to help you to deal with these unhealthy thoughts and may I say this is how I dealt with my own thoughts and questions which is why I am putting it out there. Everything I write about is based on my own journey so it is not a one cap fits all.

Today we will be dealing with the “I hate him” Phase.

Now when an individual gets assaulted or violated. Bitterness and resentment sets in which when left to fester on, gives birth to Hate. This emotion is usually directed at not necessarily the abuser but the the gender represented at large.

I have seen people not been able to hold down relationships not because they can’t, but because they have let resentment and bitterness fester on for so long and has now resulted into hate.  When they actually meet great people who could make fantastic partners they mess it up because of hurtful and painful memories. I was once like that so yes I get it!

Now this is exactly where the devil wants you to be, He never wants to see you happy, he wants to see you sad and lonely. Every time you lose out on a great relationship because of your emotions/painful memories or past he is happy, because that is exactly where he wants you to be.

I am not saying anyone needs to be miserable because they aren’t married or not in a relationship, my point mainly is that everyone deserves to be happy regardless of their relationship status, without allowing painful memories hold them down. Whether single or married you should be living life to the full and enjoying it without being sad, lonely or constantly bitter. In every phase of your life, at every point in your life, you deserve to be happy and the key to your joy and happiness lies right in your hands, you decide what direction you want to go.

Now here is what you do if you are reading this post and you feel like this. Firstly,  it is absolutely normal to have such feelings, why?  Because we are humans. Whenever we are hurt, the natural tendency is for the mind to feel resentment towards the perpetrator.  When I was going to through my healing process one of the things I learned was not to hate or shoot the messenger.

Now most of the time when people resort to forcing themselves sexually on another weaker vessel.  That is not normal if you want to rationalise it with a functional rational mind but there is always a problem which always stems from their childhood if we decide to dig deeper. It’s Either they haven’t been raised to know any better, or they were bullied as a child, or there is something they hate about themselves, a power or control problem or even cultural or traditional values/beliefs and lastly addiction to Porn, basically Something has been damaged along the line and they actually need help. It isn’t your problem to help them seek the help they need neither should waste years pouring out hateful emotions into them either. It is not worth it!

Instead I learned to deal with the spirit/force that controls or push people into these sort of horrible things. I learned to constantly be in control of my thoughts and emotions, I stopped caring or looking for why they did it. I cared about how I can be positive and be purpose driven, how I can stop feeling low,  how I can be confident and not let my past define my future. This is the kind of energy that you really need. By so doing  I was able to be in control of my thoughts by fighting the spirit/enemy with every instrument of the word of God that I have. The bible says in Ephesians 6:12-13 “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places”

Now that I have stopped dealing with these individuals I focused my attention on the enemy that wants to constantly steal my joy/happiness. Because he is the one who wants to steal your Joy, not that person, hating on that person is waste of emotional resources, diverge all the emotions into fighting against the spirit. This is what I have realised though when you do this, in your own little way you are conquering the world at large as you are gradually freeing that person from the shackles of bondage which the devil has put them in. This is where forgiveness comes in, now this is a whole post on its own, let’s leave it for another time.

I am not saying people shouldn’t get punished for evil deeds. Yes if you do the crime be prepared to do the crime. Oh YES people should get real punishment for these sort of things. However the focus isn’t on them but on you. After all have been said and done, the question is how do still feel. When you have gotten justice most of the time those emotions and feelings don’t leave you, they are still very there. You can only find closure when you gain control of your thoughts and emotions and constantly keeping them in check by immersing yourself in the word and by remembering that you aren’t fighting an individual but a much greater spirit.

Until I come your way next time, Remember don’t shoot the messenger, shoot the spirit that controls the messenger.