Friday was supposed to be a well planned day for me,
I had just come back from a night shift had my bath and was ready to attend a sports day at my daughter’s school and also do some food shopping! Maybe come back home later to sleep and also do some writing and planning for “The Survivor’s walk Masterclass’ A master class for sexual abuse survivors that was scheduled to launch on the 1st of July.
What was supposed to be a seemingly normal day ended up becoming an upsetting, emotionally and cloudy day.
A few friends had sent me a video on Youtube about a 4 part Interview granted by Busola Dakolo.
By the time I had watched the first two parts, I was in tears, I was weak, I was broken.
I had to stop after the first two parts, took a break and came back to watch them later.
Then I went on social media, It was buzzing, let’s say the Nigerian social media scene broke this weekend.
Emotions had run high, names have been called, several others have come out to share their own stories, victims have been shamed yet again. Sides have been taken, some people have tried to defend God.
Uhmmmmmmm….
Personally this is not even about the pastor at the centre of this controversy, its about the many other Pastors quote and unquote who are doing this. The many ones that we don’t even know about the student fellowship pastors, the many Bishops, the many Choir directors, the many White garment church Alagba’s who prey and take advantage of young girls and boys whom their parents and guardians have entrusted in their care whilst hiding under the precious GRACE of God.
It is okay to have flaws,
It is okay be flawed,
It is okay to have issues,
Its okay have struggles,
It is okay to have addictions.
Don’t we all have flaws,
Aren’t we all struggling with one thing or the other?
Don’t we all have addiction that we are fighting?
BUT
What is not okay
is when you aren’t doing anything about your flawed character
What is not okay is when you are okay with how your issues, struggles and addictions is affecting the lives around you especially the ones that God has placed in your care.
What is not okay is when you have used your position of power and authority especially a Religious role to cause havoc and wreck vulnerable lives.
The Bible says in 1st Timothy 3: 1-3
It says and I quote “ This is a trustworthy saying, If someone aspires to be a church leader, he desires a honourable position. So a church leader must be a man whose life is above reproach, He must be faithful to his wife, He must exercise self control, live wisely, and have a good reputation. He must enjoy having guests at home, and must be able to teach. He must not be a heavy drinker or be violent. He must be gentle, not quarrelsome and not love money. He must be able to manage his own family well, having children who respect and obey him. For if a man cannot manage his own household, how can he take care of the church.”
This is what the bible itself said about anyone who desires the office of a church leader.
The pastor at the centre of this controversy has allegedly done this for years and has gotten away with it over and over time after time, not him only so has many others. It is almost becoming a cult.
The Grace doesn’t enable us to sin, what the Grace of God does is to empower us not to sin.
The church is not under attack, neither has the church lost its power. God can fight for himself, he is God all by himself, He has already defended and secured what I believe He wants to do is to purify and purge his church.
It is high time we look inwards and outwards.
People come to church because they are sick, because they are looking answers, because they want to establish a relationship with the body of Christ, are we supposed to make them worse, are we supposed to betray their trust.
Some people are leaving more broken than when they walked in.
Some people are left with even more answers
This is not the definition of the church that Jesus described, this is not the definition of the church that Jesus wants, this is not the definition that Jesus wants to meet. He wants to meet a blameless church, a church without spot or wrinkles.
I know people who don’t attend church anymore because they have been sexually abused by the people whom they have trusted the most.
Some Sunday school teachers have had raped and assaulted children left in their care,
Some pastors have raped and sexually abused young unassuming vulnerable youngsters who are just trying to find answers and meaning to their lives.
It is a vicious cycle, Hurt people hurt others remember.
I have cried, I have been upset, I haven’t slept much in two days, I have had to encourage other survivors who are struggling, I have had to argue and shout at people who are still making excuses for rapists. Some comments have made me cry and almost claw my eyes out.
If you haven’t walked this road, you cannot just understand it..
Parents let’s pay attention to our children, Friends let’s keep an eye on our other friends,Siblings keep an eye on each other, Let’s lookout for one another, the world out there is indeed a tough on.
A massive shout out to the people who although haven’t walked this road but are very sympathetic, rational and have been very supportive.
To every survivor who has been affected in one way or the other by this, Keep thriving, he will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are stayed on him.
He will envelope you with his mighty outstretched arms , He will wrap his loving arms around you, He will uphold you with his strength.
He will hide you under his wings. Even in the midst of chaos you will find supernatural overwhelming peace.
Don’t lose hope, don’t lose your voice. Keep shinning, we keep talking, we keep walking, we keep moving. Abuse has nothing on us, We are the salt, we are the agents of change and we will shine His light.
You are HIDDEN IN HIS STRENGTH
Have I been Burnt by the church yes I have?
Have I been let down by the church Yes I have?
Do I still go to church Yes I do.
WHY?
Church for me is not walls of a building, it is the body of Christ one the I am proud to be a part of.
Christ is the essence of my being, in him I live and have my being. He is the reason why I found my voice, the reason why I have not lost my mind, the reason why the devil has not won the battle over me.
I am a survivor of sexual abuse
I am an unapologetic Child of God
And most importantly I am a Christian.
My name is IfeOluwa which means I am loved by God.
