Phew, where has all this time gone, oh hahaha….

My 6 foot tall handsome, chocolate looking Nephew turned 20 today.

My sister got pregnant with him when she was just 19 and the days leading up to my nephew’s 20th Birthday. I started reflecting a lot about Him, the circumstances surround his birth, and what went down in that year and in the years following.

My sister went to hell and back when everyone found out that she was with child. She was humiliated, talked down on, kicked to the curb, and ostracised. All we had was ourselves and stuck together during that dark period of our lives.

To make it juicer,  people alienated us completely, like these girls are a lousy influence do not roll with them. As young as I was at the time, It was an icy, dark, and dense cloud that hung over my family for a while.

People called my mum names, assassinated her character, her friends even walked out on her and stopped us from being friends with their kids, lol… of course, so we do not infect them with the pregnancy syndrome. Going back in time, some of the folks who called my mum names and stopped talking to her during this period were engaged in immoral sexual affairs, and even worse, some of them were having sex with underaged girls, speak to me about double standards right. 

My sister had a problematic teenagehood; she was deemed an awkward teenager; however, in hindsight, all she was doing was crying for help, but no one heard, listened or paid attention to a voice crying out for help. This is a story she will tell in her own time.

As mentioned in my first paragraph of this article, I reflected on the events of 1999/2000, and I can tell that nothing as changed much. Folks have just gotten better at doing it.

I will highlight four key lessons that I am going to share with you today, and I hope this blesses you.

1. Do not judge people based on their present circumstances.

When people make mistakes, they are up in their feelings about it already, do not use that opportunity to tell them, “I told you so” or make assumptions about their character or even assassinate that character.                                                                                                     Be gentle with your words, be kind in your voice, it’s okay to tell them off, but in telling them off, for this lack of insight, ask yourself a few questions before saying anything.

Are you doing this because you are upset about the situation or because you genuinely want to see them make a comeback?

Check your intentions. Be quick to listen but slow to speak.  I think folks should get to the point where they are okay with people making their choices and choosing their path OR better still to make their mistakes

1. 2.  Reflect on the situation and, Find the lessons.

If you are going through a precarious situation or a similar one such as that of my sister, or something completely different one, here is a few rhetorical questions that I am going to ask you.

• Have you prayerfully thought about the situation, and prayerfully had a conversation with God about it?
• Do you see this situation through God’s lenses rather than yours?
• Do you see only the obstacle in that situation? OR are you actively looking for answers in the problem?
• Are you allowing the situation to happen TO you or FOR you?
• What are you feeding? The problem OR the answer? Remember that what you feed is what grows the most?
• Are you choosing the battles to fight, or you are fighting all of them? It will wear you out with no strength left, select your actions wisely.
• Could this have been avoided?
• How can I not repeat this same error?

1. 3. Be honest with your circumstance.

Do not pretend or playhouse, face your situation head-on, take on the battle with full armour, be ready to face the consequences.

Sometimes our mistakes have dire consequences, especially one that cuts deep as this. Please accept those consequences in good faith. The earlier you get started, the quicker your journey is.

Do not be entitled to people’s sympathy because some people will not be sympathetic towards your situation, and that is okay.

Surround yourself with the folks who love and want to see you grow genuinely. Take counsel from people who have been on that road and have survived it. Be gentle and submissive enough to learn from those that have gone ahead of you.

My sister, thank God, made a comeback; some people were not so lucky. Some folks never got their lives back based on that one mistake. My sister has managed over the years to turn a very seemingly messy situation into a lemon smoothie.

1. 3. Sex Education is IMPORTANT.

Parents,  I cannot reiterate enough the importance of teaching our kids about sex, right from a very young age.

We pay so much attention to our children’s appearance, academic excellence, and even their spirituality. Still, what I see is we are failing these youngsters in teaching about one of the tools that the devil is using to destroy their lives, and we are not equipping them enough. We need to do better.

Let us teach about sex in our homes,  places of worship, our devotionals, teenage camps, and everywhere possible.

1. 4. Daily living a life of Forgiveness

You will need it a whole lot on that Journey.

I speak a lot about forgiveness. You cannot get to the top of that HILL without employing Forgiveness. That was one thing I learned a lot from my Mum; today, My mum is still friends with the folks who alienated her during that period. She always chooses the high road. Forgiveness is not about the people who did you dirty; it is about you.

June has been a month filled with lots of ups and downs, but above all, I have everything to be thankful.

Today my lovely turned Nephew 20, we all have come a long way, and I am genuinely grateful for the life of this young boy. I have personally seen and watched him grow. I have also seen how his birth has changed the life of his mum around.

Happy Birthday, Buddy, I love you with my whole heart.

Finally, before I rest my pen, kindly take note of two significant events happening in July. I am releasing an e-Book, which is titled, seven steps to heal as a survivor and five steps to support a survivor.

Secondly, I am hosting a virtual summit between the 20th and the 26th of July 2020. That week marks exactly a year that I physically launched my book, Hidden, In His Strength (memoirs of a sexual abuse survivor)

I am hosting seven amazing guests whose testimony of reading the book stood out.

Finally, join our Facebook community; these events will happen exclusively to this GROUP. Join HERE and kindly Invite your friends.

I officially welcome you to July; I pray that this month will come with newness.

I am rooting for you, and God bless you.