Growing up as a child, we were taught to believe that our sexual chastity was tied to our dignity and honour as a woman.
Every girl wanted to get married as a virgin because that was the right thing to do, that was the honourable thing to do, Some men were raised to believe that a girl who isn’t a virgin is promiscuous, she is bad and she is not fit or good enough for marriage. Every girl identified as a virgin because they wanted to have a good standing in their society or community, you wanted to be able to hold your head high, you wanted to be confident, you wanted to be honoured but in hindsight, it felt like having all those characteristics would amount to you being sexually chaste as well.
When I had my rape encounter, I felt like every ounce of dignity left within me had been stripped off. I hated having conversations around sexual chastity I would avoid having those conversations. I would lie about sexual chastity. I was ashamed, my confidence was in the boots and my honour was gone. Little did I know that my honour, my dignity, my confidence, beauty, my self-esteem is not tied to my Vagina, they aren’t parallel to each other in any way?
Hey darling, I have some amazing news for ya! With or without your sexual purity or chastity, you are honoured, you are amazing, you are beautiful, you are dignified because Christ says so. Because you set apart, you are a nation that is set apart, a royal priesthood. you are created in his likeness, in his image. You are dignified because He says so, not by the standards that culture and society have set for you.
In most parts of Asia and Africa, when a woman is raped, it amounts to her being broken, second class, she is deemed not good enough, she is an outcast.
When I’m raped, people say that I have lost my honour. How did I lose my honour? My honour is not in my vagina. It is a patriarchal idea that my rape will defile the honour of my community. I’d like to tell everyone, why did you place your community’s honour in a woman’s vagina? We never did that. It is the rapist who loses his honour, we don’t. ~Kamla Basin~
Often survivors of sexual violence deal with feelings of extreme powerlessness and a sense of being voiceless. Break that silence today, I dare you, find that voice, take your power back, Fix that crown, You hold the ace and you are more than enough.
IfeOluwa.
IfeOluwa, this is a great piece! I hope people draw and find strength in this. Most importantly, that it changes the mindset of victims and even the world at large that whatever happens we are still who we are and that shouldn’t affect our dignity in any way.
The sky is your starting point. Keep soaring!
Totally! Great job Sis, for encouraging and sharing your story to liberate many. It’s sad how many women (and men for that matter) have been victims yet society believes that equals losing their honour. There are many errors in our Tradition and now is the time to correct those for the ones coming after us.
Sis, this challenges a deep negative core belief that myself and many other women who have been violated to different degrees struggle with. Its like being pulled by negativity inside and outside.
I wish and hope the spotlight will continue to be shone by all on the perpetrators and not the raped and violated. Please continue to be our voice to the world and providing that comfort to women with this story.
This is so encouraging, thanks sis for this write-up…. more of this…..
This is deep! I remember I never shared my sexual assault with anyone untill I met my husband. The reason for that was simple, instead for that culprit to be questioned and dealt with, I would be the one to face the wrath for being promiscuous. No one would have believed me. So I kept quiet for a longgggg time but thank God for Jesus.
The society might not want to change their Ideology of rape cases but abused individuals should now know that whatever happened is not the definition of their person. No,not all, they can do more, be more and achieve more in life regardless of past occurrences.
Thanks Ifeoluwa for shining your light brighter for some of us to have courage to do same as regard this .